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The Truth About Our Emotions

Posted in Recovery, tagged , , , , , on June 30, 2013| Leave a Comment »

I’m writing blog entry to debunk a false teaching that has been propagating around the church. The teaching that [negative] emotions are bad… that we can’t trust them… and that we must avoid them like the bubonic plague. This is simply. not. true.

emotions

It’s understandable how this teaching got started… emotions can lie to us… lies such as I’m unloved, unwanted, not good enough, will never amount to anything, stupid… the list is endless. And, what’s worse, if we act on these emotions (lies) then bad behavior results… and that can hurt us and others.

But… how can we call something that God gives us as part of our soul (mind, will, and emotions)… bad? How can we call something that is part of being made in the image of God… bad? God has emotions, right? Let take a look at a small sampling of verses illustrating God’s emotions:

  • God gets angry. “Now leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them,” (Exodus 32:10).
  • God is compassionate. “As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him,” (Psalm 103:13).
  • God rejoices. “As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you,” (Isaiah 62:5).
  • God loves. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life,” (John 3:16).
  • God hates. “The LORD tests the righteous and the wicked, and the one who loves violence His soul hates,” (Psalm 11:5).
  • God grieves. “And the LORD was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart,” (Genesis 6:6).
  • God expresses joy. “…Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength,” (Nehemiah 8:10).

What about Jesus? He is God and man and He has emotions, right? How did He act on these emotions? Let’s take a look:

“In the Temple area he saw merchants selling cattle, sheep, and doves for sacrifices; he also saw dealers at tables exchanging foreign money. Jesus made a whip from some ropes and chased them all out of the Temple. He drove out the sheep and cattle, scattered the money changers’ coins over the floor, and turned over their tables. Then, going over to the people who sold doves, he told them, ‘Get these things out of here. Stop turning my Father’s house into a marketplace!’” (John 2:14-16)

Here, we see that Jesus experienced a passionate [what we might refer to as negative] emotion (most likely anger) and acted upon it in a positive way.

So, what about us? What do our emotions really tell us?

For one thing, they are lie detectors.

Let me give you an illustration. Suppose a person goes into their job one morning only to find that their position has been terminated. How does this person respond? If this person truly believes the scriptures that read “My God shall supply all of your needs” and “I’ve never seen the righteous forsaken or his seed out begging for bread,” then they will not respond with panic, fear and worry, right?

I submit to you that if a person responds in this way, with panic, fear, and worry, then perhaps that person does not truly believe the aforementioned scriptures? They certainly do not trust that God will provide for them.

I realize that this can be a hard teaching for those who have dismissed their negative emotions as useless. Perhaps we may know cognitively of the scriptures that promise God’s provision for His people, but do we really believe that they apply to us? Do we really believe that we can trust God to provide for us even in the midst of job loss?

I could give other examples as well, but I think the point is well illustrated in the above example.

So, the next time that you experience a negative emotion, instead of just writing it off as unacceptable, worthless, and useless, ask God to reveal to you what that emotion means? Perhaps it reveals a lie that you believe about yourself or others? Perhaps God wants to show you something totally different?

I would love to hear from you! What have you been taught about emotions? What have you learned about them though your life experiences?

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My Testimony – Part 2 of 2

Posted in Recovery, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on June 21, 2013| 11 Comments »

[This blog entry is Part 2 of a two part series. For Part 1, please click here.]

testimony

Anxiety:  Hell is the word that comes to mind when trying to describe what generalized social anxiety disorder feels like.  It is a constant, seemingly eternal hell that must be lived through every single moment of life.  There may be short reprieves for a time, but they never last very long.  The hell of generalized social anxiety disorder is always soon to follow.

The anxiety that tormented me was so severe that even while with those whom I considered close friends, I would still experience fear and have heart palpitations.

Afraid of what you may ask?  Afraid perhaps of the following:

  • That if they really knew me then they wouldn’t like me.
  • That they wouldn’t understand the anxiety, depression, or sexual addiction that I struggled with.
  • That they would judge me because of my sin.
  • That they would reject me.

I would avoid individuals, people, crowds, and generally anyone or anything that required me to interact socially.  I would even walk a different route in order to avoid people.

Depression:  In my estimation, I have suffered from moderate to severe depression for about half of my life.  At times, the depression has been so extreme that I have even contemplated suicide.  I have often cursed the day I was born and regretted ever being born as Jeremiah does in the scriptures.  It is no fun to hate living and want to die, but that is exactly what I did off and on for many, many years.

Shame and Self-hatred:  I felt that I was unworthy and unacceptable.  Totally.  It was not as if a few seams in the garment of myself needed stitching; the whole fabric was frayed.  Everyone else was okay except me.  I was flawed beyond repair.  Because I believed that “I” was unacceptable, the natural response was to hate myself.

Anger Towards God:  I had many “good” reasons for being angry with God.  I was angry with God for things that had happened to me in my past – rejection, emotional abuse, etc.  I was angry with God for the present struggles that I had – fear, anxiety, depression, lust, etc.  I was angry with God because I believed that His character was something it was not.  For example, one major thing that I had to overcome was the belief that God was a task-master or slave-driver.  This is the belief that God is not interested in us for who we are but only for what we can do for Him.

I may have even projected my earthly father’s character traits onto God – my heavenly Father.  My earthly father was physically abusive, had a problem with anger, and rarely if ever told me that he loved me (He now tells me that he loves me quite frequently, thanks to God’s healing and restoration power).

I was also angry with God for not giving me certain things, in my timing, that I felt the Bible promised to believers.  For example, I have low frequency hearing loss that resulted, at least in part, from poor choices that I made during my late teenage or early adult years.  This has caused me much emotional pain.

Anger Towards People and Unforgiveness:  I had incurred deep emotional wounds and there were many specific individuals who were, at least partially, responsible.

2nd – My Experiences and Changes in Working through CR

Working the 12 steps has helped me in many ways.  I learned that denying my sins and emotions by keeping them hidden was a bad thing.  I learned that “Secrets keep you sick”.  I learned that I was not alone in my struggles.  Perhaps the greatest lesson that I learned, though, was the importance of accountability.  It was here that I met my two best friends and accountability partners.

What I needed the most was to be loved and accepted unconditionally by another human being, whether I deserved it or not.  I got this unconditional love and acceptance from my accountability partners.  For the first time in my life, I began to truly understand God’s unconditional love and acceptance of me because another human being modeled it to me.  From here, God began showing me His true character – His loving, forgiving, and accepting nature.  I began to discover that God was not the task master or slave driver that I had once thought Him to be, but instead a loving Father.

 3rd – The New Me

With regard to anxiety, I no longer have heart palpitations while in the presence of friends.  I believe that God has set me almost completely free.

With regard to depression, God has worked a miracle in my life in this area.  The down feelings no longer turn into depression.

With regard to shame and self-hatred, after feeling loved and accepted by God and others, I am now learning to love and accept myself.

With regard to anger towards God, I rarely curse God or take His name in vain in my heart anymore.  There are occasions where I want to blame God, but He has been gracious to show me that it isn’t His fault.

With regard to anger towards people and unforgiveness, I have forgiven most, if not all, people who have wounded me.  I have learned that forgiveness is extremely difficult but well worth the effort.  I have also learned that it is a continual process because there will always be people who offend you.

 4th – Outreach

The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 3-4:

“ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

Rick Warrens says that “the area of our greatest pain is the area of our greatest ministry”.  Isn’t it ironic that God uses what the world sees as our weakness to actually be our strength?  Perhaps the Lord is calling some of you here tonight to the recovery ministry.  If you have suffered any sort of pain and been comforted by God, then God has uniquely qualified you.

Obtaining the total freedom in Christ that He died to give us is a process.  It does not happen overnight but instead comes overtime as we continually renew our minds and become more like Him.

Please keep this in mind as you are putting the steps in this program into practice.  Inevitably, like learning to ride a bike or learning to snow ski, you will fall down.  So, don’t be surprised if you don’t get it exactly right the first few times.  Most people fall a few, several, or even many times before getting it right.

Get up, brush yourself off, confess your sin to the Lord, accept His forgiveness, grace, mercy, and love, and try again.

“For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again…”

Proverbs 24:16

Eventually, with Jesus Christ as your Higher Power, you will be victorious.

I will leave you with one of my favorite scriptures, it is Isaiah 42:6-7 (NLTv1):

“I, the Lord, have called you to demonstrate my righteousness.  I will guard and support you, for I have given you to my people as the personal confirmation of my covenant with them.  And you will be a light to guide all nations to me.  You will open the eyes of the blind and free the captives from prison.  You will release those who sit in dark dungeons.”

Thank you.

### The above text was taken from our new book #SlayingLifesDragonsandBeasts and sanitized to make it more appropriate for this blog. ###

[This blog entry is Part 2 of a two part series. For Part 1, please click here.]

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My Testimony – Part 1 of 2

Posted in Recovery, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on June 15, 2013| 1 Comment »

[This blog entry is Part 1 of a two part series. For Part 2, please click here.]

I’m writing this series of blog entries not because I particularly like airing my “dirty laundry,” but because the Bible says that we overcome him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony (Revelation 12:11) and because if they help just one person then isn’t it worth it?

Celebrate Recovery Testimony

Hi, my name is Gary, I’m a grateful Christian in recovery from anxiety, depression, lust, shame, self-hatred, anger towards God and people, unforgiveness, and the list is seemingly endless.

I was a shy, introverted child who was basically a “mama’s boy”.  No one taught me self-esteem or social skills or any life skills for that matter.  I did not learn them at home, at church, or at school.  I was left alone to figure them out for myself.

Perhaps the most damaging event occurred in middle school and came from someone whom I thought to be a friend.  This girl, all of a sudden, seemingly out of the blue, called me “ugly”.  I thought that we had a pretty good relationship up until that point, but apparently I was wrong.  Perhaps she was just having a bad day.  I did not respond to this insult but instead just quietly took it to heart believing that it was truth.

This was how I handled these kinds of situations.  I wouldn’t fire back any choice words or try to initiate a fight, but rather I would just take whatever abuse was given and ponder it in my heart asking, “Could this be true?”  Unfortunately, the answer that I concluded was almost always an overwhelming “Yes”.  I never discussed these events with anyone.  I suppose I thought that I was alone in these situations and that no one could understand me or help me.

Sadly, these situations continued throughout high school.  Specifically, I was called “ugly” several more times in high school.  Even once by my own uncle.  This just served to reinforce the apparent truth behind these statements.

The idea that I was ugly just devastated me.  I felt rejected, unacceptable, worthless, useless, powerless, and hopeless.  I already had severe acne and was very self-conscious.  This was all I needed.  The icing on the cake.  The precipitating factor that would drive me over the edge.

In an effort to ease my pain, I turned to many bad, self-destructive, and addictive behaviors.

### The above text was taken from our new book #SlayingLifesDragonsandBeasts and sanitized to make it more appropriate for this blog. ###

[For Part 2, please click here.]

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Review of “101 – A Marriage & Family Success Story” by Stephen Ashford

Posted in Book Reviews, tagged , , , , , , , on May 11, 2013| Leave a Comment »

In a world where “fine” is the standard answer as to how one is doing, Stephen’s book is refreshingly open, honest, and real. In his wonderful book, “101 – A Marriage & Family Success Story,” Stephen speaks of God’s faithfulness and restorative power even in the midst of separation and divorce.

101 - A Marriage & Family Success Story

Even though God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), it does not scare Him or limit His miracle working power in any way. Although Stephen and Cynthia had been divorced for eight years, God was able to keep them abstinent (a miracle in and of itself), and restore their marriage so that they were remarried.

This book is a testimony to the love and power of God to work in our lives regardless of our circumstances. God is not a respecter of persons (Acts 10:34). In other words, He does not play favorites. What He did in Stephen and Cynthia’s lives, He can do in yours.

All-in-all, “101 – A Marriage & Family Success Story” is a great short read and I highly recommend it to anyone who needs victory and hope for their marriage.

Dear Father,

Thank you for the myriad of miracles that you perform everyday in our lives – You give life and breath to all mankind. Thank you for the way that you have worked mightily in Stephen’s life and in his family. My prayer is that you would have mercy on everyone who reads this review, and if they are willing to humble themselves and seek (ask) you according to your will, please give them the miracles that they so desire.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

I would love to hear from you! If God has restored your marriage, please leave a comment below. How did He accomplish this? What steps did He require you to take (if any)?

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How We See Ourselves

Posted in Recovery, tagged , , , , , , on January 27, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Life happened this week, as it normally does. I said and did things that were both good and bad, other people said and did things and lashed out at me because of their insecurities. I came away feeling guilt, shame, and perhaps some self-hatred.

perfect-4

So, I woke up Saturday morning, and had to deal with this junk. I started by reading the Word. I turned to Psalm 139:14 and started reading, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

And then to Genesis 1:27, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

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I then looked over to the right-most column of the right most page in The Life Recovery Bible and found the following write-up [comments within brackets are mine]:

Self-Perception

“If we have lived in bondage to our compulsive behaviors for a while, we probably see more bad than good inside us. Many of us tend to see life in terms of all or nothing. As a result, we probably think we are all bad. But in recovery, we need a balanced understanding of ourself. We need to see that along with our bad points we have also been gifted with strengths. It’s not an either/or proposition. A balanced view of ourself will help us better understand our shortcomings while also giving us greater hope in our potential.

At the end of the fifth day of creation God had made everything except the first people. The Bible tells us that when he looked at what he had made so far, “God saw that it was good.” Then God created the first man and woman. “So God created people in his own image; God patterned them after himself; …God blessed them and told them, ‘Multiple and fill the earth and subdue it. Be masters over the fish and birds and all the animals.’ …Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was excellent in every way” (Genesis 1:25, 27-31).

God distinguished between the human race and the rest of creation. He made us in his very image, with capacities far beyond those of mere animals. God was (and is) excited about us! He gave us abilities and responsibilities to reflect his own nature in all of creation. When he created us, he was proud of what he had made!

Although, we have a sinful nature [or flesh] that came as a result of the Fall, we also must remember that we were created in the likeness of God. There are excellence and dignity inherent in being human that should cause us to ponder our potential for good as well as for bad.”

[The Life Recovery Bible: New Living Translation. (Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 1998), p.5]

I would love to hear from you. Do you struggle with self-perception or self-hatred? What has helped you in this spiritual battle against the Evil One?

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Happy New Year 2013!

Posted in Slaying Life's Dragons and Beasts, tagged , on December 31, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Let Slaying Life’s Dragons and Beasts help you or a loved one ring in the New Year by helping to slay those pains, obstacles, and addictions (dragons and beasts) that are trying to hold you back from enjoying God’s best!

 

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I cannot believe that this day is finally here!

Posted in Slaying Life's Dragons and Beasts, tagged , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Update:  A sample chapter is now available!  Sample Chapter with Covers for high speed internet connections and Sample Chapter for low speed internet connections.

I cannot believe that this day is finally here! Praise God! Our book is finally available! 

https://garyleemillner.com/slaying-lifes-dragons-and-beasts

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Hurting?

Posted in Hurting, tagged , , , , , , , , , on July 28, 2012| Leave a Comment »

“The ropes of death surrounded me; the floods of destruction swept over me. The grave wrapped its ropes around me; death itself stared me in the face.” — Psalm 18:4-5

Sometimes when I’m hurting, I don’t even know why.

Perhaps the worries and cares of this life have overwhelmed me; perhaps I have been going and going and going without a break; perhaps I haven’t spent quality time with my Father.

Whatever the reason, hurting and pain seem to be integral parts of life in this world.

The question becomes, “What do I do with my hurts and pain?”

Do I just keep going and allow them to affect every part of my life? All my relationships – my spouse, my kids, my co-workers, my boss, and all others?

Do I just keep going and try to balance out the pain in my life with illicit pleasures and other stuff – work, food, TV, relationships, sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.

How do I deal with my pain in a healthy way?

This morning, I was hurting, without even knowing why.  I seemed to have forgotten how to deal with my pain.

Then, I read this quote from Beth Moore:

“Intimacy with God is that I can come in with the honesty of my heart, tell Him how much I’m hurting.”

Then, I remembered.  The light bulb came on.  Why don’t I take my pain and hurts to the Lord?

So, that’s what I did.  I did the same thing that King David did in Psalm 18:6:

“But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help.”

Did he hear me?

“He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry reached his ears.”

Did he respond to me?

“Then the earth quaked and trembled. The foundations of the mountains shook; they quaked because of his anger. 8 Smoke poured from his nostrils; fierce flames leaped from his mouth. Glowing coals blazed forth from him. 9 He opened the heavens and came down; dark storm clouds were beneath his feet. 10 Mounted on a mighty angelic being,[a] he flew, soaring on the wings of the wind. 11 He shrouded himself in darkness, veiling his approach with dark rain clouds. 12 Thick clouds shielded the brightness around him and rained down hail and burning coals.[b] 13 The Lord thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded amid the hail and burning coals. 14 He shot his arrows and scattered his enemies; his lightning flashed, and they were greatly confused. 15 Then at your command, O Lord, at the blast of your breath, the bottom of the sea could be seen, and the foundations of the earth were laid bare. 

16 He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters. 17 He rescued me from my powerful enemies, from those who hated me and were too strong for me. 18 They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress, but the Lord supported me. 19 He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me.”

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A New Year for a New Person

Posted in New Life, tagged , , , , , , , , on January 2, 2012| Leave a Comment »

“Anyone who comes to Christ becomes a new person.  The past is forgotten and everything becomes new”  — 2 Cor. 5:17

It’s officially 2012.  Pastor Rick Warren tweeted today, “The calendar gives us a new year but only Christ can give us a new life: ‘I make EVERYTHING new!’ – Jesus Rev.21:5.”

If you’re anything like me, you may be thinking, “sure it’s a new year, but what in my life has really changed, is really new?”  I have to go to work tomorrow, just like I did last year.  I have to struggle with getting the proper amount of sleep, just like I did last year.  I have to struggle to keep my peace and joy, just like I did in 2011.  I have to struggle to keep my thoughts pure, just like I did in 2011.  I have to struggle __________ (fill in the blank), just like I did last year.

While these things may be true, the Good News is that if you’re in Christ, that is, really know Him (click here to find out how), then you are a new person, you have a new life, and you have hope for a better today and an even better tomorrow.

Jeremiah 29:11 reads, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”

The truth is that most true change is slow and steady.  It usually does not happen overnight.  It does, however, eventually happen as we keep renewing our minds day after day.  As we keep our minds focused on Christ and the truths that are found in His Word, slowly but surely we begin to change into the people that he desires us to be.  This process is known as sanctification.

There are many good resources to assist in renewing our minds.  The Bible and prayer being the top two.  Others include, listening to sermons, talking with other believers, reading Christian books, etc.

Currently, I’m listening to Pastor Dan Backens’ sermons as I drive back and forth to work.  This has proved very helpful to me in renewing my mind.

Whatever way you choose to renew your mind, you can be sure that God is working in you and you will be prosperous and successful.  Please be careful though, for there are many false doctrines and teachings out there.  Always make sure that the information is consistent with what the Bible teaches.

Whatever you may be facing today, be encouraged that, if you are in Christ, then you are already are a new person, already have a new life, and are being made into the image and likeness of Christ Himself.  Your future is bright because He is your hope.  This may sound like a platitude, but it’s true and not meant as such.

If you are facing something in your life that is bigger than you can handle, cry out to Jesus and let Him be your hope.  He is the only hope that we really have anyway.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” — Romans 12:2 

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Prayer for Serenity (full version)

Posted in The Biblical Twelve Steps, tagged , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2010| Leave a Comment »

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.

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